now i know.

I remember 10 months ago.

I remember sitting in my kitchen it college station reading the articles, looking at the pictures and hearing the news. I remember listening to "we are the world" and knowing music COULD be used for good. I remember wondering what it would be like to know someone there, to have to question their safety.

today I know.

It's been over 4 months since I got back from Haiti.
It seems like I was there yesterday.The pain never goes away. The longing never ceases. With the outbreak of cholera and now tropical storm tomas, I just find myself in a constant state of hurt. The kind of hurt you get when it feels like someone is getting yanked from you, when you feel helpless, and when you constantly have a knot in your stomach.

today i know.

I wonder how the boys are doing, Eddie, Matthew, Daniel, Charlie, Luce, Fito, Roland, Benito, and Reginald. I wonder about the women from our women's ministry. I wonder about Maguy, Rose Marie and Zet. I wonder about their kids. I wonder about the kids in the orphanages in Carefour and Gressier. I wonder about the people in the tent cities- the ones we shared the gospel with, and even worse, the ones we didn't.

today i know.

I know what it feels to cry over a loss you don't even know happened or not. To feel helpless. I would do anything to get on a plane to port au prince right now, and i mean that 100%. If someone came up to me tomorrow with a plane ticket, i would drop everything and go. Tropical storm and all. Because here I am, sitting in my Manhattan apartment, with my heating, and my solid structure and electricity. And I feel disgusted.

today i know.

what it means to rest assured in the Lord. If I didn't believe in an almighty and powerful God, bigger than earthquakes, disease and tropical storm, then I would continue to sit here and pout over helplessness. But i do know a God like that. I know a merciful and loving God who knows every person on that island, and loves them thousands more than I ever could. Please pray for Haiti, and don't forget them. God is doing huge things there, I've seen it firsthand. He is powerful.

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."
Ephesians 3:20-21

well hello there

Hello world, this is me.

I cannot believe its been a month since I moved to new york. i also cannot believe that its been almost two months since I blogged. Mah bad. I promise i'll be better!

Well, not that much to say, I started school, I love it. Going to class and learning about things that actually pertain to the filed you want to go into is an absolutely refreshing feeling. My professors are experts in the music industry and going to class has become fun. Now tomorrow i start my 6-9 pm accuonting class so ask me again after that...

I've made great new friends, but miss lots of old ones. You find ways to pass the time and to surround yourself with great people, but i don't think my feelings towards my best friends of college will really ever change. I can't wait to see them again.

I am joining apostles church nyc in a few weeks! This has been a huge blessing to me as I have found great community already. JR Vassar is the lead pastor and brings a sense of familiarity with messages filled with the truth. I miss my family at living hope constantly, but am learning to love that season of my life, and to begin to love this one? Who says there isn't another melodi, tara, kate, kristen, michele or marcia for me around apostles?

well, i'll leave you with some pics since I know thats what everyone cares about anyway =)
now that i've done the INITIAL got to NYC post, I'll actually update with more frequent happenings....by the way, i saw a screening of the Social Network the other day...its fantastic. check it out when it comes to theatres next week

lots of love and taxi cabs,
stine


coney island with friends clayton , chris, brett and katie


at Broadway on Browadway after the "empire state of mind" finale, complete with confetti!


at the dumpling festival in chinatown this past weekend...

blogger is taking to long to upload pics! more later... im off to finish a paper..yay grad school!

p.s. i promise i really only hang out with clayton like once a week! proof of those other said friends to come via next post...promise.

August rush

My. oh my!

It has been faaaaarrr too long since I've updated this thing! (p.s. for those of you who read this on facebook, its actually being imported from my blog...crazy, i know).

It's August. Can I repeat that again?

it's August. As in, the 8th month of the year. The month my brother turns 16. The month my sister goes to her freshmen year at A&M. The month that I move to New York. The month, where it all changes.

I am thankful for this summer. For a month in Haiti. For friends' weddings. For 2 weeks away with my family. And for time now. To sit. To think. To relax for the first time in 22 years. No summer reading. No planning for organizations next year.

We have our apartment. It's amazing. Katie and her dad found it while we were on the cruise and it is stinking neat. What a huge relief to have that settled! And sorry internet world, but i ain't postin' an address or picture, that's just asking for creepiness.

I'll hit on 3 topics this time around: Weddings, Haiti and New York.

1.) Weddings
I have married friends. And more than 3. People who are MY age living life together. How special to get to be there on their special day. Every wedding makes me more and more confident that I am NOT ready to be married now, or anytime soon. I got a DINOSAUR tattoo on the cruise, if that doesn't just scream immaturity, i don't know what does.
One thing I have learned is that weddings are the perfect time to meet people that you may or may not have some small connection with. For example, I have been in 3 weddings this summer (bridesmaid, 2 house party). At every wedding, the common fact known is that I am moving to NYC for grad school. So without fail, every wedding someone "has to introduce me to (insert name of person living in new york here)!"It's hilarious. But I have made new friends for the fall and since I am going in with 5, thats pretty nice.

2.) Haiti
Oh Haiti. I wish I could sum this up in a paragraph, let alone, any words at all, but thats just a joke. I really thought I would go this time, spend a month there, get my fill, and be done with it.
wrong.
wrong wrong wrong.
i went from a complete lack of a desire to go on missions, to a sincere desire to just...go. And right now its Haiti. Right now my heart longs to be there. To be holding those kids. To be loving on those women. It's hard not knowing when or if i will be there again. It's harder knowing a more long term stay is not in the plan right now. But thankfully the Lord continues to have bigger and better plans than I can ever imagine, so I rejoice in the fact I can take confidence in that. All I have to say is, don't forget Haiti.

3. New York
I'm scared to death.
3 weeks until the biggest change of my life. Leaving the comfort of...everything. It's weird. It's freeing and its paralyzing at the same time. I want to run two totally different directions sometimes and its bizarre. I took for granted the four years where I lived in the same city as my best friends. HA! But really. It's not like you think about that at the time, but really! When is that ever going to happen again? So now its just a waiting game. Waiting for august 24th. In essence, I get to completely start over. I mean, I could finally go by Stine if I really wanted to! So right now, we'll leave it that I am excitedly nervous.

I just totally lost my writing groove so i'm going to end this little dealio.

I also wanted to announce that my roommate Katie, and I will be creating out own blog to chronicle our adventures in NYC as she goes to culinary school and I do the music business thang at NYU. So look forward to that coming to a Macbook near you September 2010!

Peace, love and shark week.

ckm

Love from Haiti

7:00 am.
I'd woken up at 4:30 to serve breakfast, tried to go back to sleep, only to realize my body had switched to Haiti time. I sat outside and read, I journaled, I listened to the morning sounds of Haiti, something Norma talks about often. You hear the cows, the roosters, the shuffling of feet heading out for the day, but above it all you hear the voices of the women singing as they begin their daily tasks.

today there was a stillness, a peace about the country that you could just feel. The view from JoyHouse is always breathtaking, i look out at the beauty and think, no wonder the Lord is trying to so hard to win the hearts of these people. This place is beautiful.

It has been such an unbelievable week, I can't even begin to explain. Kristen and I worked with Daniel almost every morning on "the Daniel Project." Spending 2-3 hours walking around the village to see babies and mommies. So, basically I got to hold babies all morning and love on them....God knows me all too well! I loved it! It really is interesting to see more of the village life this time, last time we were very much at the compound doing construction except for the 2 trips to Grand Savone and Carefour.

On monday we started our women's ministry. WOW. It has been such a blessing to see how the Lord is working in these women. We wanted the main theme to be a Titus 2 approach, so on Monday they are supposed to bring a younger woman to the lesson, I can't wait to see who comes! On Wednesday we decided to teach on purity. This was really difficult and scary at first because in Haiti it is extremely commonplace for men and women to live together and have multiple kids without being married. Even people within the church. It is something Norma has struggled with for awhile and we really felt it weighing heavy on our hearts to disucuss. We have 12 women, and 3 of them are the cooks we work with every day. One of our cooks, Maggie, was the first to open up about her situation, something she has never opened up about before. Many women followed suit after, and before we knew it, we had the names of their men and we sent the pastor from their church, and the pastor from Arkansas to go talk to these men. They only made it to 2 on Friday but the first man was saved! They are now planning on getting married in the next few months. Praise the LORD ya'll this is such a breakthrough!!!

Other than that we worked with the Arkansas team to do evangilism throughout the week, on Thursday there was a revival, and on Weds we registered kids for Living Hope's kids club in a week. I'm excited to see members of our church family a week from today, but am trying not to get too excited because that means my time in Haiti will be almost over for this trip! Today Norma and Joe took the team to the airport so its been me, Kristen...and the Haitians! It's sad without the team here and we don't get another until Monday, but talking with the Haitians is one of my favorite things to do. Today I sat with Pastor Eddie, or as I call him now, "Brotha Eddie" (always followed by a fist pound). It is so encouraging to hear the hearts of the Christians here. He opened up to me about the earthquake, how he and his wife and 2 daughters were all inside their house when it came. He said all he did was say "Lord, let your blood cover this house" in continual prayer throughout. He never feared it because he knew that God was his savior. Now, when people ask why his house stood, He can share with them the gospel. Amazing.

Something funny that just happened right now....we have something called "city power" at JoyHouse. It tends to go off randomly and then we switch to generator power. Well, Charlie is the only one who can do this, so right now I'm sitting in the dark, hearing "chalie!" (yes no r...) being echoed throughout the house by the Haitians. It's moments like these I've grown to love.

It's been incredible how many children I have seen from our last trip, and how many remember me! It's also hilarious how Kristen and I couldn't have 2 more confusing names. They pronounce both the same, basically a mixture of the 2, so we both just respond...to....everything.

Again, I appreciate all your prayer so much, I have been struggling lately with feeling a little homesick, so satan just needs to leave me alone. I'm sick of him!

Here are some things you can be praying for:
the women in our women's ministry- that the Lord can work on the hearts of the men in their life so that they can no longer be in sin, also that they can learn what it means to train younger women in the ways of the Word
for the kids at the kids club in a week- that the Lord can be opening their hearts and minds, calming their spirits (and bodies for that matter) so that they can hear the gospel
th kids cub in general- there are SO many kids that are coming, and again, satan was trying to get at me the other day when i nearly got mobbed for stickers by them! Pray for order, patience and for the Lord to provide the necessary means to get those children to hear the gospel
for me- i need much strength and clarity this week. clarity for a lot of situations I've been praying over, and clarity of what should be taught to the women this week. I also really need prayer for patience...the Lord is revealing to me more than ever how much I struggle with patience and pride...ridiculous things that I can't believe it took me being in Haiti to see. Pray that I can be focused on whatis going on here, right now, and not anything else.
I think that's it for now! I really am so thankful for you all and just want you to know how much your prayer is blessing me and the people of Haiti. I love these people more and more every day, I can't help but wonder what else God is going to reveal to me in the next 2 weeks...

with many thanks and love through His name,
Cristine

everything's right.

Well, that was it.

that was the moment. the moment where everything is right.

this morning i prayed the Lord would give me courage, keep me focused, and keep Satan away. Already I've been seeing how he has been trying to get a foothold in this Haiti trip by distracting me and making me think I am not supposed to be going. Point blank, today I just.....needed encouragement.

I went to have coffee with one of my small group girls, and about an hour into it, came face-to-face with the only thing that has ever truly been a surprise to me. There were Steve, Trav, Zach and Ryan. Here. In the Woodlands? I sat in shock for awhile. Wondering to myself

"this isn't right. i'm obviously dreaming."

And for the next 5 hours, every worry, fear, anxiety, and to-do list i had for the day went straight out the window. Instead happiness, joy, and encouragement coupled with lots of laughter took over and kept me wishing this night would never end. You see, when I look at the moments in life where I've been happiest, its never been by gifts, or awards. Its when someone has done something that made me feel Jesus loving me through them. This was that moment.

And I cried. Finally. After a long while of being completely incapable of showing emotion, i wept. While all 6 of these precious brothers and sisters of mine laid their hands on me and murmured prayers of encouragement and support, I realized this was the moment I had hoped and prayed for since high school. The day I'd know, I made it through the storm...nothing that had happened before Christ mattered, and I DID have beautiful, incredible god-fearing friends for the first time in my life.

As they left, I ran to my mom and did what I knew best. I just wept. Tears of sadness, that this would be one of the last times we'd all be together, that times were changing and I felt like there would never be enough time in the world for me to spend with these people. But also tears of joy. Joy that my friends PURSUE Christ daily, that they encourage me. That they will never be perfect, and those moments bring lots of laughter for sure, but that they are people who show me Christ's love. Joy that I was able to know them, grow with them, laugh with them. Some for 4 years, some for 4 months.

So Jesus, thank you. Thank you for answering my prayers so vividly and purposefully. Thank you for the encouragement that I didn't even know I needed it from. thank you for surrounding me with people who love you. Thank you for every blessed moment in my life. Thank you for the hard times, the times when I never thought I'd make it out, they've made this moment tenfold sweeter.

I leave for the airport in t-minus 27.5 hours. And tomorrow is a day of celebration! My baby sister graduates high school and I couldn't be more proud. I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for her at A&M.

With prayers abounding in thanksgiving,
ckm

wait..its over?

today is the day... my very last night in college station.

my room looks similar to what i assume my nyc apartment will look like. tiny, and void of anything but a computer, an air mattress and a few bags. i hope it makes it easier to leave tomorrow.

oh yeah, and im officially a hoarder.
nah, that pics not my room, but its a good replica. i think ive kept every note, card, letter or sticky note anyone has ever given me. whats up love language apparently?
i will miss this room...


i leave for haiti in 5 days! WOW. I am literally in disbelief that its here already. I have a ton to do this week, and the Lord is the ONLY thing getting me through it all. a common questions people have been asking of late is "how excited are you for nyu?!" to which i am always thrown off for a bit. life has been moving so rapidly i feel like i can't even get excited about nyu yet, first i h ad to get through finals, then the weddings, then moving, now Haiti, then the cruise...THEN... then i can FINALLY be excited about nyu. i was thinking i would make a trip out there in july to look at apartments but it looks like katie and her dad will be doing that which is great! but i was looking forward to an excuse to go up there...

oh, i also found this t-chart. i have to laugh because i am very much obsessed with t-charts, pros and cons etc. etc. when i am making decisions. i made this the beginning of junior year, in regards to the next summer...

i love that impact wasn't an options. neither was staying at home. ha. guess God all sorts of showed me who was boss. Thanks Dad. its times like that when i can be thankful that no matter how much i think i can screw up your plan...i can't.

so long C.S. its been a good 4 years, i love you lots. be good to my sister these next 4...




-ckm

oh hey grad

I did it!

I'm a former student at Texas A&M University. How bizarre.



So far no emotional breakdowns! Then again, I don't think I've stopped moving until this very second. Graduation was followed by a great trip to Grune, Texas and then to our friend Zach's ranch, which some could argue was well onto the border of Mexico. I spent a night in College Station then boarded a plane (yes, a plane, in Houston) to go to Dallas for my junior year roommate's wedding, and then stayed in Dallas for a few days visiting with my grandma and cousin.

I leave for Haiti in t-minus 9 days.
9 days! That is single digits people.

I feel like it was just yesterday that I was boarding the plane for my first trip, and then praying fervently for an answer of whether or not the Lord was calling me back. Now, here I am, 9 days out.

Of course, Satan has been trying to weeasle his way in like always. Initially I was supposed to be working at a camp here in Texas. I would have been in Tyler for orientation yesterday. There are moments when I face regret, or challenge what I am doing. I get scared and then get angry at myself for not doing the "cooler" thing. But I have to have confidence in the Lord. I know He has me there for a reason!

It came as a great relief on Monday when I read in Proverbs, chapter 20 verse 24 that
"a man's steps are guided by the Lord, how then can anyone understand his own way?"

Of course! What on earth am i even worrying about?

Lord, I apologize. Gosh, I am so royally messed up, how can i sit here and wonder YOUR plans and then think that my silly human ones are better than Yours?

I love summer in Texas. Lots of iced tea, swimming, reading, laughing. I just wish I was doing it with my friends around.Its been a week since I last saw them and I already feel their absence. The inside jokes, the fact that they get my humor ( I realized quickly this weekend that the days of everyone in the room laughing with me are pretty much over..yikes!). I feel blessed by them, I really do. NYU will be hard without their constant companionship.


until next time, when i promise to write less sentimental things....
ckm